Saturday, December 29, 2012

everybody gonna be like, "this sucks". okay, i can dig it. but you said, "this sucks," 1 month ago. and i know that sucked more than this. it is only a matter of time before it sucks so much less than its counterparts that it actually doesn't suck at all. do i care...? in the process of experimenting Jekyll pays no attention to people outside the lab. some sugar here some spice there. maybe some meth. eventually, Jekyll gets it right. equivalation: PROGRESS. that's what counts. the last beat i made was superior to all my others, quality wise. just got started on vocals. but WE can always do better. mark my words: if i produce an album, it will NOT sound like shit...

Friday, December 28, 2012

the conversation between dark me and me

what did i tell you

you told me you could do this shit

that's right

if you told me then how come you haven't...?

i just did

that's not good enough

nothin's good enough for you. I KNOW ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH...! it's a starting point

why isn't it good enough...?

i have time

how long...?

20 years

20 years...! hahaha you jackass

why do you mock me... i'll show you. where will you be in 20 years...? probably sitting on your ass watching american idol season 29

hey. i like that show. don't dis

you just dissed me

you allowed yourself to be dissed

well you allowed yourself to work for me in 20 years. don't worry

i don't worry about anything. you're the one who should be worried. everybody thinks you're going to fail. even your sister. that must suck. your own family doesn't believe in you

ya know what...? why don't you just shut the fuck up. just shut the fuck. you're ignorant

you're the one who has been called "ignorant". i wouldn't throw that word around too lightly hahaha

nothing funny here. those people don't know what they are talking about. bless them. that's all i can say. they wash their hands clean of me, i do the same for them

oooh, sounds like some rap lyrics

good idea, i'll put that in my next song

if you ever make it like you say you are

weeellll, you know how it is. people want evidence that something exists. that's not my responsibility to hate them for that. they're normal. they will never be like me

grandiose aren't we...?

i have the right to be

who says...?

i don't need no one's permission. what the fuck planet you come from...?

i don't live on a planet. i live in your head

o yeah, is that so...? interesting. how am i talking to you right in front of me then...?

go get something to eat

what...? why...? what does that have to do with-

you're hallucinating. you haven't eaten anything today

excuse me. i don't hallucinate

o really. i just told you you do

i'm smarter than you. if you are part of me then i control you

fag. did you control that...?

you're just part of the blackness in me. the blackness that wants to take control. but you can't have me

you fucking fag. you'll never make it. you're a fucking loser. LOSER. nobody likes you

oh, i see that you're upset. upset means that you feel psychologically inferior to me

you don't know what you're talking about. you don't have a degree

i don't need a degree. i have the Master Idea

fuck that. you don't know what you're talking about




what, you aren't going to say anything...? LOSER. you know i'm right

you're right

... what...?

you're right. i'm a fucking loser. i'm a loser and i have to accept that

what the fuck...? what are you doing


why are you agreeing with me...?

so you will shut the fuck up. now leave me alone.
don't let other people's doubts bring you down. know better than skepticism. believe that you can do it, even when you are most hopeless, because it is at the time when we are most hopeless, that we have the ability to make the most difference...

Monday, December 24, 2012

Friday, December 21, 2012

...then I thought, wouldn't it be even more ironic, if the second coming of Jesus was a woman...?

I wonder what her name would be... "Jewel"?

Then I thought,

wouldn't it be ironic if the Antichrist's son was the second coming of Jesus...? But the antichrist doesn't know it.

i don't know why i'm thinking about this, BUT... o wait, yes i do. because "Santa" rearranged spells "Satan". anyway, I was thinking, what if Santa was the antichrist...? and the 12 reindeer were his disciples... and, AND the ELVEs were his MINIONS.
i guess i'll walk out in this snow and whatnot... gotta get some juice. some snow juice. mm mm. hahaha. i kid. but i gotta get some drink from the store. for real

Thursday, December 20, 2012

did you know that the word, "Santa" rearranged spells "Satan"...? weird huh?

Monday, December 17, 2012

don't be afraid of the dark. for without darkness, how would we know that light exists...?

Monday, December 10, 2012

i kept saying, "i need to take a break. i need to take a break," i need to take a break. well, now i get to. i get to take a break.

wow. and you know, it's amazing. i tried staying away from my passion. the more i tried to stay away from it, the more i tried to not think of it, the more it psychologically conflicted with college. it just goes to prove that just because you don't do something, just because i stayed away from the beats, from other things like philosophy, doesn't mean that i would succeed at my first semester back.

it's my fault that everything in my life, all the 'mishaps' and the misfortune, it is my fault that it has happened to me. my fault that i have a disorder and i choose to let it control me. it is my fault that i choose to fail at things that i am not naturally talented at. it is entirely MY FAULT when i fail. i have to take responsibility for me.

...and if it is entirely my fault when i fail, then it is entirely my fault when i succeed.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

what if they made a ghetto version of Marry Poppins. it would be called like, Mary Perry's or Ho Poppins or something i dunno. except Mary Poppins is a drunk, fat, Hobo who smokes weed, that's how he gets 'high' haha. Chim-chimney Chim-chimney chim chim
John's talent agent is outside his closed bedroom door. He talks so that John who is laying smugly in his bed like a spoiled 2 year old can hear him.

Agent: John we're going to the party tonight we need you to be there to help boost the sales of your cd.

John: (2 year old tantrum whiny voice. you can hear it muffled from outside the door) no! i don' wanna!

Agent: Why...?

John: becuase i have to be fake. and i don wanna be fake...!

Agent: John, this is very important that you go, otherwise how will the consumers know what they are buying.

John: (chanting in a sort of melody) i wanna go home. i wanna go home.

Agent: ... uh, .... What?

John: i don wanna be fake!

Agent: John its just a party, just for tonight...

John: i don't like parties! people go around being fake and shiet...

Agent: John, sometimes you have to be fake in order to get something done.

John: ???.....

Agent: John, John...? are you there...?



Thursday, November 29, 2012

reading English is so freaking hard. but you learn so much by doing it. i have to admit, i've learned a lot by participating in this English class. but  i have to ask myself, could i have learned the same lessons by going through cliff/spark notes...?

i don't think so, because the real lesson comes from personal insight, not the insight of the community. people learn more when insight is intrinsic (not sure if i used that right), when they produce the innovative thesis that has never been thought. and the innovative thesis can never be thought if the work hasn't been put into its creation.
i'm not going home, i'm not walking another 1.5 miles, until i get something DONE.

"stop fighting and just do." okay, that is the advice i get for getting through college.

now, let's apply that to someone who is in the process of getting raped by a dolphin.

"stop fighting and just do."

doesn't make sense, does it? proving my point.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Sunday, November 11, 2012

i'm having problems. you see, i don't want to do this. somehow we have to make this a game. somehow

before i killed myself, the first time, i could do anything with ease, really, i had the motivation to do it. i was a genius, i still am. the difference is, after a life/death experience and the lack of social interaction and love i needed to survive, a part of me has become (almost zapped...?) numb? numb might be the word. how do i describe this... it is like not having the nutrients you need for so long that part of you becomes dead. or having one of  your main central nerve chords suffocated or choked and part of your brain becomes dead.

the part that was dead after i almost died was the 'motivation' part. i often wonder what will motivate me to do anything. i don't find fervor in challenging myself to be the 'best' anymore. who am i doing it for...? i can still think quite clearly and at times i knew that i still had this 'intuition' or 'psychic ability' that i had before. wait, no wait, that was before i almost died. the christmas after... o wait. that's right. that was the christmas after i came out of the hospital that i realized i still had it. interesting.

so evidently, i still have it. the other day i thought about suicide, which is natural for anybody really, there is nothing wrong with thinking about it, thoughts are natural, anyway i feel like i am being pressured into this corner. i don't like it. i have predicted, this is just a prediction, that my chances of committing suicide are much higher after i get a degree than they were before it. why? the 'degree' is a falsehood. it is FAKE. it has absolutely no value whatsoever than to categorize people and limit what they can do. something is wrong. i shouldn't feel like i want to commit suicide just because i'm forcing myself to get a degree. something is wrong. something is wrong. something is wrong.

there's nothing wrong with me.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Money is Power

No one can have power over you, unless you give it to them.

No one can have control over you, unless you give it to them.

No one can have your money, unless you give it to them.

You can't lose at a game, unless you choose to play it.

- anonymous
Why can't I just except life the way it is...? Damn. I don't understand why I don't want to do this shit. A student of life is a student of everything, until the day he dies. Why, then, am I repelled by learning some things...? I just want to do what I want to do, it's a rebellion against Authority. Authority is telling me, "NO. You can't do it YOUR WAY. You have to do this way and in this way exactly as I say you should, or you will DIE. 'My way or the highway.'" Aaagh, it's driving me crazy... Bleh


I don't submit to Fear. That's it. Instead of Fear giving me an incentive to be propelled to learn, it paralyzes me, repels me, or shuts me down instead. My body must have learned it that way somehow, probably because of the way I was raised...

Maybe I should stop looking at this problem as if it is something to Fear, then I will stop being repelled by it. Perhaps, what I think is a problem isn't a problem at all. Maybe, there's nothing wrong with me. Maybe, I'm thinking what most people think but don't dare to acknowledge. Maybe, I am doing the RIGHT thing, maybe my body is responding in a natural way...

Puzzles of my inner self, but a reflection of the society that made me who I am.


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

blah blah

You can't control whether Satan mocks you.

BUT, you CAN control what YOU do about it.

i hate reading english literature. it is so pointless, to me. i mean, i know it is an artform, but i don't understand it. which is probably why i don't like reading it. i mean, they could just simply show the whole book in a movie if they wanted to get a point across.

reading english literature is like reading a history book. but it's all FICTIONAL. who wants to read pages upon pages of a fake history book...?

if there is a lesson to be learned, just tell me the fucking lesson and let's get on with life. i shouldn't have to read, like, 300 pages of fictional-ness to get it. GET IT...?

that is why english is an ART. because some people get it, and some people don't...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Is there an afterlife...?

i was thinking that there has to be an after life because how would i know that i exist now without there being an afterlife...? get it...? i'm saying, if i have memories now there should be an afterlife, otherwise i wouldn't remember who i am at any given moment, i.e. memory is the result of an end place, the place we get to before the afterlife. before memory, we are just animals part of the energy of the universe, however not intelligent.

How does having memory mean that there is an afterlife...? Because if we didn't have memories or intelligence... good question, need to think more, forgot how i came to this conclusion.

BUT, just because we perceive ourselves to have memories, see, memories and human intelligence could not be intelligence after-all, it could just be another natural function that has occurred through nature, and it is only intelligence and memory because we perceive it to be more than it is. therefore, concluding that we are all just "energies" in the system, part of the Master Idea, and we will continue to be energies fluctuating within/throughout the Master Idea for all eternity...

These are the thoughts of a psychopath, a madman

These are the thoughts of a psychopath, a madman not to be reasoned with...

John: Does a man who is abused allow his abuser to get away with it...?

Jack: Who's at fault...? Man is his own abuser.

John: That would imply that I have control over my abuse.

Jack: In the NOW. We can't do anything about the past. You can choose to be abused or remove yourself from it.

John: So I have to come to the revelation that the past is just some illusion and who I am is who I choose to be...?

Jack: ...perhaps.

John: What if I choose NOTHING...?

Jack: Then you are NOTHING...

John: So I could choose to be anybody I want to be...?

Jack: You act like this is some kind of weird scientific fact or something. The answer is: yes, you are what you choose to be.

John: hmmm...

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

God damn. i will punch myself in the face if i have to to get myself to concentrate. but that would be "crazy"...

too much 'radiation' going around. for some reason, the FORCE IS STRONG tonight... haha. i'll just have to ignore it.
fear is either fight or flight, and i can't fight. so i'm flying.
everybody has there place. some people, within the circle, others, outside of it
what's going on...?

Everything must be a game...?

why must he make it a game, why can't he enjoy doing this...? gotta make it a game, it has to be a game, otherwise, it won't get done...

that's kind of odd.

introspection tells him that he must make things he dislikes into a game. why does he have to make them into a game in the first place? what is this conflict? why does he continue to do something that repels him...?

the question is, why does it repel him...?

he thinks he's figured out the root to his problems. he was once oppressed, as an artist. he was controlled and oppressed, to the point where it was smothering out his originality. no one wants to be a robot.

the reason why he is repelled by doing this is because subconsciously, he believes that he is doing this for someone else, not himself.

so we have a problem with authority. an all or nothing proposal:

"if i'm not doing this for myself, then i won't do it at all."

but it only makes sense. why would he do something, if it's not for himself...? even if he knows that what repels him is good for him, if somebody else commands him to do it, he won't do it.

therefore, he has to trick his mind into thinking it is a game. a game where he comes out the winner...

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Deadline

the deadline is approaching. time to get super-sayan serious. mafia-cut-off-a-testicle serious. serious as if this is the only shot i got to win the game. what game, you might ask? LIFE: the game we all play to distract ourselves from the inevitability. fuck, i don't want to be reminded that it's there. staring me in the face like some sappy evil clown that has too much makeup on. but it is... it's there. that possibility. and i gotta make sure it never reaches fruition... so let's go.
Why does the Elephant fear the Mouse...?

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

okay...! back to work...!


I'm writing sloppy because i don't care that i'm writing sloppy. i just felt like writing and i want to get the gist down...

with so many different takes and beliefs out there it's hard to know what is the Truth... i'm sure more philosophical introspection and external observation will resolve this.

In fact, did you know, that I realized the Master Idea from philosophical query...? Yeah, it was just like, i was walking around everywhere, just broke as fuck, thinking about TIME and GOD and all that other stuff that relates to it. My first philosophy class was awesome because, as a studious and almost zealous learner, i took in everything and took time to analyze each question and homework assignment thoroughly to come up with the correct take/viewpoint/conclusion/insight/answer. even though some of my essays weren't great some of the conclusions i came up with were (brilliant?) for the first time.

 If you train yourself to do this over and over again it becomes very easy to think of some great ideas. I MEAN REALLY. AWESOME. IDEAS. When you do this it's almost like you are using another sense, you're 6th sense (or whatever you want to call it): a nonexisting term, "analyzation". if you analyze everything, scrutinizing everything, THINK about EVERYTHING, to the minutest detail, you will be able to form patterns based on what you analyze. you can become very successful at stuff when you use it.

For example, you could use "analyzation" for playing games with people, like POKER, CHESS, or HEARTS. I have become very good at Hearts and I seldom play it. Last time I played it was in 2010. My partner and I, no matter who my partner was, almost always won a match. Even if my partner was less skilled than me. This was because you can figure out the pattern of that game, how to win, fairly easily.

Poker is another game, that if someone, SOMEONE, had the time to come up with the WINNING FORMULA, it could be done, I have no doubt that it can be done: a person could win every match. Not every play, obviously, but every match. No doubt. The formula's out there, I was working on it a few years ago, when I used to be good.

Not only can "analyzation" work for just simple games, but it can work for coming up with INNOVATIVE IDEAS. These ideas are innovative, but at the same time, its like, they could be thought of by other people, if those people had the insight. Ultimately, the idea or insight that comes from "analyzation" could be something that will happen within a matter of time (or may not, but still an awesome idea), you're just the first to think about it. So, in a way you're sort of predicting the future through the patterns that you've assessed and nit picked.

A good job for an "analyzer" or 'innovator' or 'idea generator' would be in fields that require projection. Any type of projection really. What I mean is, predicting outcomes of a business, or popularity of a song, or how a movie will do at the box office, or maybe how many people will show up (Those are simple things). If it's Computer Graphics, which is the case for me, one could use their knowledge of visual media and anything associated with it, analyze it, eat it for breakfast, think about it all the time, to predict patterns or come up with new innovation.

For example, about 2 years ago, i was thinking about Holographics and 3D displays. At the same time I was thinking about how to teleport a person from point a to point b. I came up with an idea to project an enviroment 3000 miles away into an "environment room" in a way so that  the people in the room would feel like they are actually there. This includes all sorts of stuff like environment AI and messing with a person's 5 senses to 'trick' their brain into believing they are there... pretty cool huh...? that's all i'll say about that.


Anyway, Nintendo had just said they would release a 3D hand held soon. Taking the knowledge that i had about there being 3D capability without glasses, i projected this onto a grander scale; basically coming to the conclusion that if we don't need glasses for 3D, one day, a new type of medium will be used for large scale cinematics  and it will be 3D and we will not need glasses to view it. This means 3D movies without glasses; the movie will actually look like it's right in front of us. I also came to the conclusion that a more articulate and complex 3D holographic display would be needed. Furthermore, since I was making beats at the time, I figured that holographic display will soon shortly be used in the entertainment industry, specifically the MUSIC industry, for live displays and such. This means back up dancers, or dancers in general, on the stage will be 3D Holographic...

If you look up how a 3Dholographic works you will understand that there needs to be at least 2 separate images projecting onto the same plane. Thus the technology that is needed requires an ample amount of devices that can traverse or move fluidly (probably on programmed or animated tracks) to parallel the movements of it's projection. This also means that an additional amount of effort had to go in to the production (knowing that at least 2 images must be used, but more likely, 6 images will be used) but i was thinking the cost should go down once the technology becomes more widely used... Who is the first to set the largest 3D Holographic record...?

On a video game scale, this could be big. Computers, BIG. A 3D holographic laptop screen, that displays the depth of an environment of the person you are video chatting with. Along with it 3D web cameras for 3D laptops. Saving files in a 3D holographic format for easy mobility: 3DH (3D holographic). 3D Holographic Phone. The boom could be big. Am I not the first to think of this...?

Like I said It WILL eventually happen. It's just, I'm early, if not the first, to think of it. So it may take a while, maybe 5 years, maybe a decade, for us to see a Lady Gaga or such type on stage with holographic dancers around her....

the best part about it is that if we have a 3Dholographic camera, it could be used for other things, like solving crime scenes or what not, it would pick up things in 3D. We could watch a basketball game in 3D holographic from a 3D holographic projector.

Anyway, where am i going with this...?


eh, i'm just rambling

Like I said, if you analyze everything, you can get insightful results or patterns that will direct you towards possible outcomes. And it doesn't matter what you use, "analyzation" on. Anything really. even "Religion"... you just gotta set aside the time to do so...

the problem is, I haven't had time to be super-philosophical recently, my energy is being used elsewhere. like school
back to work...!

Sunday, September 23, 2012


you learn a lot by staying up all the time, pulling all-nighters... it's not exactly a curse. more like, it's one of those things that you personally have to face, a problem that once you accept, it ceases to be a problem... like being alone. we're all alone, really. just that some of us spend more time being alone by ourselves, than being alone with other people.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

The Woman in underwear on the Poster in front of my Cubicle

get back to work you HORE! you shameful, shameful man-HORE! you don't deserve to have play time! Naughty, naughty... Back to work!

No shit done today

well, i didn't get shit done today. i'm beginning to lose hope... there's always tomorrow. that's what i keep saying. "always tomorrow" but TODAY is TOMORROW. and i didn't get shit done! i'll have to slap myself in the face over and over again.

See, the problem is, i am not remotely interested in the shit that will get me somewhere. I feel like i am repelled from it. REPELLED is a strong word, but it describes it perfectly. that is why i can't get this shit done...!

Even if I knew how to do this shit with ease, i still wouldn't want to do it.

What am i doing...?

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

beautiful things should remain untouched

beautiful things should remain untouched
Everybody's hiding something. everybody. something they don't want others to notice. i realized this after finding out one of my mentor athletes was doping. he doesn't know he's my mentor. it just goes to show you, everybody has something to hide...

appearances mean nothing.

Monday, September 10, 2012

i remember how awkward i used to feel. now i wanna punch that fucking feeling in the face. got other challenges to deal with now....

Saturday, September 8, 2012

an unfinished responsibility

BUT, there's still a responsibility there, a responsibility that someone with power must have... know that you could make a change, a difference, to have the ability to do so, yet relent, would be psychologically torturing...

...the only person applicable: will you rise to meet that expectation?

Friday, September 7, 2012

God is for everyone, not just for people who believe in jesus christ.

The Seven Stages of Pregnancy (From a Man's Point of View)

1. Shock and Denial


2. Pain and Guilt


3. Anger and Blaming


4. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness


5. The Upward Turn


6. Reconstruction and Working Through


7. Acceptance and Hope


Thursday, September 6, 2012

Gotta make it a game. games are for distracting yourself. distracting yourself from the inevitability. we know what that is. we know. it's coming for us. all of us...




Wednesday, September 5, 2012

pass me the cheese paper, i'd like some goat with my stereo!

pass me the cheese paper, i'd like some goat with my stereo!


Heroine Puffs

i'm crazy for heroine! CRAZY I tell ya!

<picture of an amazonian busty woman goes here>
EAT Heroine Puffs

end propaganda.
pass me the cheese paper, i'd like some goat with my stereo!


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

well i'm happy with what i got. you can't get everything you want. Even Napoleon didn't get everything he wanted. hmm, reminds me of an old poem i wrote. bout to look it up...

10 min later:
hmm, my lyrics have progressed since 3 years ago. BIG TIME. wonder where i'll be in 3 more years...

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

all he can do is dance

i found this on my old hard drive, it's actually dated 10/25/2008...

when you get pissed at the world, and the world is pissed back at you, when you can't put up with another let down because you screwed yourself over for the last time, by the way, time equals money, neither of which you have, there's little hope on the horizon, the titanic is sinking and your on it. gentlemen, shall we?

then all of a sudden all the people round you do the thriller dance and your michael jackson. your worries are gone, for now, and all you can think about is gettin your groove on till ya just can't stop.

frik all those people who brain wash society to believe that success can only be attained through higher level education. you know the truth, yes the truth will set you free, but your locked in a cage that is even more abstract than the word 'freedom'.

just what is freedom? freedom to choose? oh i get it. i have the freedom to choose whether i want to die a man who is in debt up to his eyebrows, or be a dead a man killed by self doubt and disappointment because i followed traditions, what other people think i should do.

how can a person enjoy beats when they have to carry the 29lb boombox that plays them on their shoulder, everywhere they go? the radio station they listen to is playing the same old beats over and over again, and it's getting lame.

people are versatile. they adapt. they change and they realize that life isn't always about what they thought it was about. they still want to listen to music, but this time turn it to a different channel. ultimately, they might never find the station they are looking for; they will dream with disdain. they will suffer countless nights of insomnia. they might become the technically crazy. only crazy driven by technology that they are tired of using.

that person will live each day by the shirt on his back; every so once in a while he gotta wash it. week after week of washing this kid gets his shirt outa the dryer one day and notices its colors are all worn. what says him now? nothing. he keeps going. he keeps doing what he gotta do to survive. he puts up with the let downs. he gets stereotyped by ignorant peoples that just don't get it. what says him now? nothing. he pays out of his own pocket for his stale investment in the future. he finds out he has been doped on too high of a dose that left his left side dormant for years. what says him now? nothing.

all he can do,
is dance.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

hey i'm NOT AFRAID... to get better. mhm. that's right. tell yo mama

Don't Brag Your Swag

when you talk about what you're gonna accomplish, it takes energy away from what you're gonna accomplish. that's why you shouldn't brag your swag. theory for thought.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

keep your eyes on the prize, even if the prize is invisible

texts from the dark side

larson - 10:56pm
i'm bored. What are you doing...?

jess - 11:02pm
just got to the bars

larson - 11:14pm
Me too HAHA

jess - 11:15pm
Haha. Whaaaaaat?

larson - 11:17pm
Hahahahahahahahahaha im old enough. What? U dont think im hard core? I got the swagg, straight as hell, all the ladies want me...

larson - 11:18pm
Haha but no im not drinking

larson - 11:19pm
Just creepin on the ladies... Hehehe they don't know. Oblivious bitches

This Just In...!

If your friend has a butt that giggles like ripples when you smack it, they may be suffering from fatty-ass syndrome!

Illuminated Compensation

a slave,
i'll smile at yo face
we can be fake
but freedom can't be replaced.
you're insane,
only stopped by an underground train.
just reckon'
the force cometh not from sovereign blessin.
an ironic lesson,
Carma and you scheduled a date in the same place.
you might as well have the same fate.
fuck the bars!
don't take it too hard.
you're just a "bitch";
5 Star rate.

Friday, August 17, 2012

the man in the mirror: jack vs. john

Jack: Let go of the past. The past doesn't care about you, but you care about it.

John: But, but I have feelings for the past...

Jack: Look, no matter how much you try to please the past, the past is not going to change. STOP trying to change the past. The past doesn't give a fuck about you. The past thinks you're weak, the past thinks you can't make it. Why would you invest in something that is against you...?

John: Because, because I want to show the past that I've changed.

Jack: The Past doesn't care whether you've changed. What the Fuck!?! You act like you should be sorry for what made you who you are. Let me give you some advice... DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHIN. The Past is a sorry asshole who judged you not by your potential, but by your face. Too bad for the Past... In fact, the Past can go Fuck itself. See if I give a damn...

John: The Past thinks I'm an "asshole".

Jack: Is there something wrong with that? Better perceived as an "asshole" than someone who's fake, a LIAR, a gossip just to gossiper, get's everything they want, in my opinion, someone who knows absolutely nothin about anything you've accomplished. Do they know what you've done...?

John: No.

Jack: Good for them. Let them stay in the dark...

John: But I'm in the dark...
i gotta do all this stuff today, gdit. no time for what i want. that's when you know you've been procrastinating, too long

Sunday, August 5, 2012

The creep from the corner

that awkward moment
when a random gent
who happens to be from lafayette
he's ugly, got a stache and has a bald head
comes out of nowhere with a small dog and says
"hi john
i know who you are, but you don't know me"
so what are you called, a professional creep?

wigga, PLEASE
don't make ME
get violent on yo ass
cause i know how to play the violin really fast
this one man symphony aint for one man's sympathy
so get back
take a chill pill

walk a mile
turn that frown to a smile
and have a nice day

im bout to blast
yo hat with a bullet in the cap
isn't that what you wanted to have?
i got a gat
my finger on the trigger i'm bout to pull it
and attack
lyrics cliche,
sorry about that
i told you i'm violient
but my face is so silent
so nobody knows what i'm thinking inside it
what you think i'm kidding?
don't bring me to your wedding
i'll slap the first hoe
i see in my bedding

i may be fretting
seriously do you get it?!
i don't want to kill you
motherfucker i'm too near you
you smell like fear
it's cold in here
that's when i realized
i was looking in the mirror

nigga you aint nothing
but you gonna be something
cause you gotta be something
before you fall down and die
and if you aint nothing
then you gotta be something
cause two double negatives
make all the wrongs right

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Jesus did it.

Executive Producer: who do you think you are...?! I know everyone in this industry! You'll never work for me again...!

Jesus: You're right. I work for God only.

Jesus did it.

Ya know, 'Jesus did it'. Like, 'diddy did it'..? eh? sound familiar? read on

The Antagonist: You're an asshole!

Jesus: I am whatever you say am.

Sir1 and Sir2

Sir1 and Sir 2 are highly established english gentlemen with partiallities towards fine wine, clubhouse dining, and ping pong. Yep, ping pong. don't ask me. just read the script

Sir1: Sir2 i have something to tell you...

Sir2: what is it Sir1...?

Sir1: i've been fornicating with Mrs. Sir2.

Sir2: why that's mallarcky...!

Sir1: if that's mallarcky then i'll have mallarcky for breakfast! Lunch! Brrrunch (trill the 'r')! And Dinner!

Sir3: Let's not forget supper and midnight snack

Sir1: oh yes, supper and midnight snack, verilly agreed Sir3

Vegeta lost his car keys

Vegeta lost his car keys. Imagine what destruction happens while he tries locating them.

wait... WTF does Vegeta need car keys for anyway? He can just fly. Afterward he realizes.


there's a lot of spiders flying around the air lately, getting stuck in the freezer and what-not. reminds me of a song...

There's a spider
in my hair
but it's okay
cause i don't really care
cause i love my spiders
they're really cool pets
but i can't take a shower
cause they don't like getting wet

Now switch spider with "grandma"....

my Grandma's
in my hair
but it's okay
cause i don't really care
cause i love my grandma
she's a really cool pet
but i can't take a shower
cause she doesn't like getting wet


i like the first one better

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I've got a Plan

I've got a plan.

and the whole wide world inside of my head
just went crazy one day and said

"Oh My GOD! He's got a PLAN!" 

He's got a plan!
He's got a plan!
He's got a plan!

Broadway musical tap dancing ensues.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Judge Kimmel: So, you had over $3,000 in damages of the property that you leased. What do you have to say for this...?

luckily, I was an expert in the craft of, uh, arguing. I decided that I would pull out my best excuse: the "Squirrels are Evil" excuse. Surely the judge would see it my way after that...

John: Well, Squirrels ARE evil.

Judge Kimmel: And...

John: And. and, they're EVIL...! Just look at them, going around stuffing their FAT. FUGLY. FACES. With nuts to say the least. Thinking they're gonna get away with murder. All while planning the eventual take over of earth! They're evil judge, that's all I have to say...

Musicians and Artists are Weird

i'm sorry but i'm just gonna be real. musicians and artists are weird. i'm weird too. but musicians and artists are weird, to ME. they do all sorts of weird stuff. like, PERFORM in front of an audience. and hang out with their hipster friends. most of them are liberal. on top of that, they're just so frigkin, DEEP. why do they have to be so, DEEP, all the time? yes, musicians and artists are weird. i will never get them.
A reporter goes to a woman's house in southern Florida.

Wade the Reporter: Julia Krills is a 99 year old retiree who likes playing scrabble and, get this, she looks after her pet flies. (looks at Julia) Julia, could you tell us more about your pet flies...?

Julia: (Julia has a frail, old-woman-person voice) well, I've had them for over.. (hesitation) over thirty years. and... and flies are really amazing fast little creatures that like to eat...

(room turns black, Julia's voice turns into a DEMON VOICE)
..they like to eat the carcuses of fresh meat! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(you hear a man screaming in the background, the fireplace is golden green. after about 6 seconds the screaming stops. the fireplace goes back to normal and the lights turn back on. Julia is still in her seat and Wade is also back in his seat. but he looks pale.)

Wade: (dribble goes down his lip onto his sport coat. He's almost like a zombie) Thank you, Julia. Brian and Serina, (clears his throat) back to you...


Friday, July 20, 2012

i chuckled when i read that last one. chuckled. like the lion from the wizard of oz. look that up on youtube. is BE funny. Anyways this is Obidiah Gideon with Jewish Horror Theater. Once again, have a safe night and happy Friday!

(roll credits. Jewish horror music parading "Friday" by Rebecca Black)
"Friday, Friday, oy ve it's Friday! Gotto go to the bank and look at my savings, savings.
Then, suddenly i got a craving for that kosher meat, that zombie kosher meat...
oy ve, It's Friday!..." (something like that)


Hand Lover...!

Oprah: We're here today on the Oprah show discussing one man's love for his hand, and what kind of rejection he has gotten within his own community...

Bob on Narrated TV synapse: I would go out with my hand, just me and my hand, holding hands, and people in cars would drive by and say the nastiest things...

man in car: "Hand Lover...!"

(car screeches away)



They say you should marry your best friend

Priest: "Do you Bob Leonard Smith, take your Hand, as your lawfully wedded... uh, HAND!"

Man in crowd: (whispering) "he loves his hand, not that there's anything wrong with that"...

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Simone: My right arm is a lot bigger than my left arm... i wonder why...?

(Every weekend, Jerry Simone eats a Klondike Bar and unconsciously goes into a super powered diabetic, trance like state where he rampages through town beating up all the people that pissed him off the week before, with only ONE ARM. Fortunately for Jerry, he can't remember anything while he's doing it, and awakes in the most random places...)

"What would you do for a Klondike Bar...!?"


Ghetto Bake Oven

Joseph: Yo dawg. Word on the street is you using an easy bake oven. Is that true man...?

Jermaine: Uh, well uh (muttering under breath) you know, a man's gotta eat and well, the gas was turned off and well uh..

Joseph: Shit man! That shit IS TIGHT man...! You gotta hook me up sometime.

the soft rap (no BAD words)

"XJ, you're so soft."

that's why you gettin served
like yo kiddies, witch
here's 3 fitty
go buy a mc-ribby-wich
but i don't eat at mickey's
cause i don't like mouse bits
so make me some good muffins
with this easy bake oven kit

"EASY BAKE OVEN, 1, 2, 3...!"

"you're too soft XJ. you'll never make it in the industry."

that's why i gotta get hard, like yo titties, bitch
here's 3.50, go buy a mc ribbie-wich
i'm not a retard, an-sho not a kiddie,
better look at my scars.
-i just solved the sitchy.
which, you gotta have ma digits,
call me back in a bit-y,

aunt jemina: "oh snap. oh damn. did he just...? -oh lord. oh lord help us."

haha. but i kid. or do i...?

Monday, July 16, 2012

man, people from upper middle class city are so clean. just watch a movie with them in it. look at their apartments and the places they go visit. CLEAN. they dress clean. they eat clean. Clothes, CLEAN. Restaurants, CLEAN. The floors they walk on are probably cleaner than my toothbrush.

But that's part of what makes a movie a movie. the creators want to attract a certain audience. Well, they didn't attract me. In fact, they repelled me. I'm not CLEAN.

Man: "Why do i hear voices...? Maybe the devil gave me powers that i don't want. Maybe God gave me powers i don't want... Maybe. maybe God is the devil...? Maybe i'm a genius. Maybe, maybe I'm a super genius with super powers...! Maybe I can fly....!!! NO. I won't go that far. Maybe, maybe, maybe..."

And so the man contemplated his disposition for an hour and nearly-a-half. Then he walked to taco bell and ordered a number 5 off the value menu.


Wouldn't it be funny if, after every time you got rejected, "Where is the Love" started playing in the background? Just think, after every time you got rejected in life... (flashbacks ensue)

John: Betty, will you listen to my mixtape?

Betty: uh, you're weird and i have stuff to do, soo, no.

"Where is the love, the love, the love..."

Professor: Uh, I'm sorry John, but, you failed the exam. You can no longer join us...

"Where is the love, the love,..."

(John is walking on the side walk. A car drives by."

Man in car: Loser...!
(throws a quickie mart styrofoam pop out the window. it hits, and splatters...)

"Where is the love..."

And then Lindsay Lohan walked by...


One morning Thomas Jefferson got up to go to the bathroom...

(yells to a woman in the other room)
Tj: Laura! There's no toillette paper in this room! Tell my servant to bring me some...!

Laura: Why can't you do it...!? I'm busy

Tj: Because I'm writing the Declaration of Independence!


Friday, July 13, 2012

George Bush: Verb & Noun

..."for real? for really real...? Oh you're so George Bushing me. Don't give me that gb."

Monday, July 9, 2012

Analysis, Lab 4
Basically, we set up some blah blah bla blabababablahblablah bla-bla-blah bhal bla- blab la bububuaba bubba blabalbla blah blah blah blah ubbles and ubbles of bubbles. Lots and Lots of bBUBBLES. HAHAHA! I’m SWIMMING IN BUBBLES…! HA! YOU CAN’T DO THIS EVERYDAY

Grade: F
god, i hate doing physics homework. god, oh god... god, oh GOD, where art thou.

IF YEE EXISTS, then why doth yee not-ith save thee from this, this BAD-MELODRAMA..! this...


a man on knees in the rain puts his hands up in the air looking for an answer in the heavens. dramatic orchestral music. camera pans out. fade to black.


Thursday, July 5, 2012

texts from the dark side

Text Message to John:

12:40 AM
"yesss. join the dark side John. and together, we can have hot pockets and tator tots on saturday morning. Well, actually that's sort of homo. But sseriously, join the dark side bc it's cool. I just spent 1 min 29 seconds writing this out. Join me! I am awesomeness..."
darth sidious xj

12:51 AM
"pleaassse join the dark side... i'll put in this free t-shirt and bumper sticker if you join. Look, the t-shirt says, "i joined the dark side, for the EMPIRE". oh yeh, i have another 1 that's like, "588-2300..." then it shows a picture of a deathstar on the back. Isn't that cool...? Join me!" 
darth sidious xj

1:29 AM
"okay, really i get a bonus if you join..."
darth sidious xj

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

i did it. i mean, i didn't do it yet, but i'm doing it.

I Live. God wouldn't have it any other way

I went to class today, oops

Bismark (in the voice of Arnold): "tell zi German teacher why you came to die schule today...!"

Student: "um, i thought there was class..."

Bismark: "NEIN, NEIN, NEIN! there is NO class today duuummy! Today is zie fierv die July!! HA! I am german and i know dat! Hold out your hand ... Whack! Eine deutchen sfpanken for coming to class today!"

Student: "Hey, you're here!"

Bismark: "I'm german dummy...! hahaha i love my job"

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

and now for an old school rap beat, HIT IT CHARLEY...!


everybody's got some nasty toes
whether you're a nice person or a nasty hoe
it don't matter what family, you come from
nasty toes are for everyone


and then lindsay lohan walked by

+ "and then lindsay lohan walked by...!"...

add that to the end of any sentence to make it more enjoyable

"so i was in the men's bathroom taking a number 2... AND THEN LINDSAY LOHAN WALKED BY...! EHEH"
i need sleep.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

21 past 12 you got 7 hours left
daylight steals night as if it were theft
he rides away happy and leaves no trace behind
so all you have right
is what's left inside your mind
the rest of this poem is stuck on my crashed computer.


Friday, June 22, 2012


"Like" this if life is good.
Comment from HOBOLARRY (The Black Hobo) 
"wtf shthole yall came out of dat smells like roses. "life" sure as hell aint good, unless "life" is the name of yo momma's pussy. t.hell? fuck neighborhood yall from? gimme some of dat putang you on. holla holla holla give me a dolla! don't quit yo day job naw. god blessin. peace"
yeah, Al Gore won a nobel prize. that's what he gets for being the best candidate and not winning. Just think, we could have had a nobel laureate for president. instead we got something better. I mean, seriously, what could be better than a nobel laureate for president? lots of things, obviously
... with a bunch of snoody hippsters working behind macintoshes that only listen to semi-boring-half-baked artists and. AND. oh my gosh, people can hear me. i gotta go. *beep*
i'm stacking it
cause i'm trying
like immaculate
i'm perfect cause i learned it
while crying
from my past

aint catholic
but i mastered it
-the word.
crappy ass hits
aint having it,
ya heard?
"that nigga's on steroids. BRAIN steroids..."

hell yeh.

advice from the scientist

don't treat someone in a positive correlation to your judgement of how they look. treat someone in a positive correlation to your judgement of how they treat you. still you could be erred. so all in all, just don't jump to conclusions before you've proven your hypothesis to be correct.

-advice from the scientist

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Dr. Jekyll doesn't want to take his potion. You see, it's very potent. There's no telling what will happen after he takes it. MURDER, MONSTROSITY. The like. It's almost inevitable. He can't do his work without it, though. His, PRECIOUS...

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

one day at the park, a homeless man came up to me and started a rhetorical conversation with himself...

"i'm thinking, "WTF am I doing...!"

i'm way more talented at THIS than i am at THAT

but i try harder at THAT than i do at THIS.

what would happen if i tried at THIS the same i do at THAT....?

would i be more successful....? is it obvious? surely. i'm hungry. good day"
i'm pissed, super pissed. but good things soon this way come....
man in drunken sleep craze faces refridgerator

man: nooo, you're going to wait until i almost kill myself and then give it to me aren't you! well too bad! i already did that! so i got one on you...!

person walks into room

person: what, what are you doing... (looks around) who are you talking to?

man: nobody... NOBODY'S THERE. it's just a figment of my imagination...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Haitian soccer players like to play basketball.
no more work for meEE...! the place that i worked at shut down. IT CLOSED. so i guess i'll have more free time to do shtuff. ehuhehuhehuh (that was a silly laugh)

Monday, June 18, 2012

Summer nights
we stand or fall
can break or build
the best of us all

Being famous and making a difference are two different things.

Being famous and making a difference are two different things. 

Hell, if you, anybody, somebody wanted to be famous, they could do a really evil act and be known all over the US. Presuming only positive acts make a difference, that's not making a difference. 

Hell, why be famous if you're not making a difference? 

If you really want to make a difference, you have to do everything within your power, with what power has been given to you by X, to be the best of what you are meant to be. Then, if the people recognize the effort you put into your work and if your work fits in with current popular mechanics, then you have a chance to be famous.

A street sweeper who does a damn good job is not famous in any respect. How many street sweepers do we see idolized in the media, on t.v., billboards, and songs? Street sweepers aren't famous, but they make a difference. No one would hardly tell. In fact, we may not even notice at all. Maybe this is how we 'respect' most people that make a difference.

Fame is not making a difference. Although, making a difference can bring someone fame.

Try focusing on making a difference, being the best that you're meant to be. Using the talents that God gave you to make a difference in the lives of others. Fame is only temporary. It goes with the times. But the feeling you get from changing the lives of others in a positive way will last with you for the rest of your life. Trust me.

i had the whole speech last night, should of recorded it. it's supposed to be between a young person who is struggling to be known and a priest who is giving that person counsel.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

if you piss me off, i will be determined to do everything better than you, just to shove it in your face. give me ten years, then compare

Monday, June 11, 2012

i so tired. i thinks me maybe drift away in the night sky.

tonight, the wind blows, and i will go with it
this is the guide to how a talented/gifted person becomes known.

you don't put yourself out there unless you have something to show for it.

obviously, the product has to be made before the showcase.

if you are truly talented and super gifted genius anomaly, your work will eventually get noticed.

in the mean time, keep building your portfolio to one day take over your own company.

everything comes together at a point. if your life and your goals are on two seperate lines, then you aren't on point.

you may have to wait 10, 20, 30 maybe 60 years to get what you want. this does not bother you because you enjoy the ride and talent that is molded is more attractive than "quick-talent". never let anyone give you something you don't deserve for your talents. you know what is good, and what is bad.

never give up. never go back. remain constant in your diligence, and occasionally, surprise the unexpecting.

have a plan: to never stop.

don't die. eventually you will get there.
it will be done.

Friday, June 8, 2012

damnit. i have to go to work, and i'm right in the middle of programming this...

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

...but you see, if you believe it, it is true. and true is an infinite times greater than nothing at all. so there is an infinite amount of power yielding to use. it is an innate power that is ultimately greater than feigned power. note, whether what you believe to be true is true or not, is inconsequential. therefore, there can be two separate entities that have opposing beliefs, inconsequentially true or not, however the power that is yielded by both entities can be matched near equal. but who is to say that the opposing beliefs don't carry the same artifacts thereby proving their unison? both powers can be fueled by the same force, regardless of both parties' disaccord. the greatest conquerors of the human world were not great because of their talents. had they not believed that they were divinely inspired they would not have aspired to become what they were: legends, heroes, 'geniuses', or the most influential figures of their time, infamous or not...

Saturday, June 2, 2012


B: haha, look at you, you're different...!

A: rrrrrRRRRRleave me alone or i'll bite off your face!!!

B: ...

A: what? ...too soon?
it will be done...!

Person: what will...?

X: oh nothing i'm just talking to myself.

Person: more like shouting out loud...


oh, hello there. my name is X. i didn't see you staring at me from across the room.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A Text Message

X: few people know that i shot myself and survived. no one can even tell... if it doesn't make a difference then why did i do it...

L: I've been asking myself that since the day you did John. Because I knew it wouldn't make a difference.

X: Its sad isn't it...? Someone can kill themself and it wouldn't make a god damn difference. I'm still a dick to people who think I'm a dick, still a nice person to people who think I'm nice. No magical transformation. People don't care

L: Of course they don't. I already told you that before you shot yourself.

L: It changed the people closest to you by making them more aware than they already were about your absence in their life. But other than that I still don't think it did much....

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

talent outperforms personality... is this bad or good...? i don't care, as long as i'm getting something done! i've waited too long...! i'm back, bietches! ahahahasdglkasjbvlwejnblwerblwerbjfl this message will self destruct in 29 seconds.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

it was illegal because it was too good to be true. anybody in a lower position, who was as less fortunate because they did not have the opportunity, the chance to stand in front of a very powerful drug, to have power in the palm of their hands and shortly thereafter in their body, this drug, must have been illegal, only because there is envy in it's possession. one person has it and everybody else wants it. but it happened. it happened, and it was never too good to be true. a genius can be created and the world's problems can be solved. and it was never too good to be true...

Monday, April 16, 2012

I'm A Dick "Until I Got To Know You"

why does everybody think, i'm a "dick until i got to know you."

fuckin shmannigans.

that should be a title of a book: I'm a "Dick Until I Got To Know You."


does it make that much difference? sure, as long as i know what i am deep down inside.

thank you 5th grade teacher for your moral compass.

ever heard of that saying, don't judge a book by its title...?

Judge: "Dick by default...! Dick until proven guilty...! Erh, I mean innocent... wait.."

that reminds me of a joke:

A: What do you call it when someone gets dick-SLAPPED!...?

B: i don't know, what...?

A: Onomonopenis

Well I have to go to work now to prove once again, that I am not a huge DICK, although I have one, once again, to the distaste of others, I only write like a dick and look like a dick. but I'm not a dick. "QUACK."


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

man, waiting is the hardest thing. it's almost like i'd rather be dead than wait. waiting is torture. torture i tell you...! i'm defunct. what do i gotta do to tell you that. there's no way i'll ever be prepared until my time has come. until then, i have to wait. and waiting is the hardest thing to do.


at this point in the story the main character turns to drugs to make it happen.

because he'd rather die trying to be alive than not have lived at all.

whose to blame?

don't drug your kids up parents. it should be their choice.

in other words, "I'm fucked up but i can't tell if it has been these last 10 years on psychopathic drugs prescribed to me from the doctor and forced on me by my parent or if it is all my fault..."

i'm homeless and have no place to go-less,
but that's okay. some people are less fortunate than me
i won't kill myself.
death will find me.
i don't have to do anything.
whatever happens, happens

Sunday, March 18, 2012

what the fuck am i doing
i'm losing at losing
i'm winning at nothing
don't believe me i'll prove it
there's a loose knit
in the back of my room
and i can't look at it
cause i'm afraid i'll attach to.
i try to relax through
but the lack of sanity
has brought me
panic attacks at noon
or is it night?
i can't really tell
when my eyes and sights
are always focused on hell
it's always sunny
in philedel-
i can't tell what
i'm from Chicago
no doubt that i'll go
down in the records
as just another
among the millions more
how many are soar
and have contemplated
suicide by the lake side
if the moon is high
maybe soon the tide
will take me away
in my sleep
fuck it
i'm in too deep
i'm up to my knees
in harassies
can you please
help me to help me think?
may i rest in peace
peace may i rest
i dunno
just a thought

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Sunday, March 11, 2012

nothing matters when you know you're going to die.

nothing matters when you know you're going to die.

i've realized that we're all just animals, we don't have a purpose. maybe we think we do. but we don't. we live, we die. Not one thesis in the world could ever be more powerful than Death itself. Death is forever. Man and his Ideas are not.


so i could jumpstart the process and kill myself tomorrow and it wouldn't make a damn difference. i have to be here because i want to be here, otherwise i wouldn't be here. i shouldn't be asking, what's the godamn fucking purpose in life. it's ignorant. i should be asking, what do I want to get out of life? if the answer is nothing, if i don't care about anything on this planet, then i have no purpose in being here. But if there is something out there that I care about enough to stay alive, then I do have a purpose.

i already feel like a hypocrite because i'm still here...


a distraction from the inevitable

X: "I don't want to play this..."

Jil: "What happened to you? You used to love playing video games..."

X: "That's because I could escape. I suppose you could say the same about any other art form, books, music, art. Fantasy isn't real, beautiful, but not life. Sometimes I wish I could regress."

Jil: "Why don't you...?"

X: "Because it hurts too much to know that it won't last forever. Everything is just a distraction from the inevitable."

Jil: "Which is: ?"

X: "Death."

Jil: "Is there something wrong with being distracted...? Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it will allow you to enjoy life again."

X: "...Maybe."

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Friday, March 9, 2012

"no matter what you have to do, do what you have to do, and that's all you have to do."
"when you have everything taken away from you, everything that matters, you begin to learn that the only thing you need to survive in life is you..."

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

(a man in his cubicle sits at his desk and chants to himself, almost in a devious craze)

i'm gonna go crazy, i'm gonna go crazy, i'm gonna go crazy




Boss: "Who are you talking to....?"

Jenkins: "Oh, uh nobody."

Boss: "Get to crunching those numbers Jenkins."

Jenkins: "Yes sir."

(but secretly inside the turmoil continues to boil. yes, that rhymes)
i can't wait til i go pro, i can't wait til i go pro, i can't wait til i go pro. and it's not basketball or music i'm talking about

Monday, March 5, 2012

untitled lyrics for rap battle

you call me street sweeper
your rhymes are so wack
quit smokin that reefer
get your mind back on track
the only thing i'm sweepin
is your girl on her back
see the only thing i'm keeping is yo girl so retract
please step back
refrain from attack
in fact relax
cause the only thing yo girl wants
is a nigga whos black
excuse me, only half
does it even really matter
ask yo girl one time
she says she wants to feel it harder
i'm john carter
animal with 2 brains
one 8 inches long
and the others insane
perfect for fame
i'll put you to shame
now here boy,
my caliber and yours
well it just aint the same
come around here like you know this shit
well this shit is the gift that lady's fuckin with
i'm the keanu reaves of beats feats and cgt
i could've been industry what you got on me
i stand for what i believe
i blead for a fight
whatevers left will know
no sins just wrong and the right
my name might be john
i'm a king but not toilet
i don't need shit on me
coming from the mouth of Doyle
so the next time you're here
giving your two cent
or tell me how much better you are with the time you just spent
just remember what you're spitting
crap in my face
i'ma rap that shit and put you back in your place.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

i'm so pissed right now.
why am i here, why am i here, why am i here, why am i here, why am i here, whuy ansd i here , ahwy am iu he3re, why ami ak;sdmhere why amui here wwhya a,dmask.jdh.jsdhgkjsdgasdkjfh;ksdjvbsdk;jnbfd;kvjsvb;jsd';vbksr;gfikjbsi;vn ed;skjb s;dkjgb v;sikjk.;mdnbmdfbmdfbkmdfmdm   snkvs dnlsmnd,ls m,fn lsnf lk sdklj  d,jflkdj  dkls kldfvs,lkjsdfklsdf;.............. .... ... ....?

Saturday, March 3, 2012

can't work on what i want right now, so i'm gonna shift/focus my energy to do the best at work...
they need me. i need to do my best.

John: "whatever makes you feel better."

X: "when do i get to work on what i want? I just want to relax."

John: "There is no relaxing in Life. otherwise you'd be dead."

X: "sometimes i wish i were."

John: "You'll be fine. now go. you're late..."

X: "i need help, seriously..."

Jack: "with what? You're back on track with getting your CG degree. soon you'll have your own job that you'll like. this is only temporary. remember that. Pain doesn't last forever."

X: "except in hell..."

Just some notes, bout to go to work:

Just some notes, bout to go to work:

Christians support War, which is a sin, but oppose Homosexuality which is a sin.
See it's not all about what is a sin anymore or not.
It's about what the Right thing to do is.
If China invaded the US would it be Right to declare war on them? Yes. Although we would probably lose, isolating just those two countries, one against the other, only those two.
Was it right that the US invaded and bombed Iraq and killed innocent Iraqi civilians and declared war against Iraq for building a Nuclear bomb? Well, it was a sin and it wasn't Right. So No.

Sins can be justified if they are the Right thing to do. Aristotle said something along the lines of 'never look at one incident the same way as any other. each incident is different in its own way.' this is how sins should be looked at. We all sin. We cannot get away from that. So instead of looking at things of whether they are sin or not, we should look at them as whether they are right or wrong respective to the situation.

Just because something is a sin, does not mean it is the Wrong thing to do. Just because something is not a sin, does not mean it is the Right thing to do.

What defines a sin anyway? The viewpoint of man as man wrote the artifacts of a religion. Man was inspired by God but man is not God and God is not a man.

I'll finish this later...
i'm probably never going to be able to feel my left nipple ever again

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

like i said. the difference between good and evil is hope.
i lost so much muscle mass that yesterday i went to the gym for the first time since the "accident" and i could hardly hit 3s. plus i was short of breath. i'm gonna have to get used to these lungs and start building my muscle back up. If i had $3000 i would pay a professional trainer to help me to where i was lifting back up to 205 again. but even further than that. it's gonna take a long time if i don't have a plan. i need a plan, i need help. but i have limited Power

The difference between a Dick and a True Dick

based on people's reactions, i'm confused as to whether i'm a true dick or a nice person (weak). see, nice people everyone likes but they have nothing to offer the conversation. true dicks are different than regular dicks because regular dicks have some likeability whereas true dicks piss everybody off. true dicks are people like Vincent Van Gogh, ... .... i can't think of any others. true dicks might not have any friends but they keep living their life as if it were normal. oh yes! Hitler was a true dick as well. regular dicks think they're so smug. they like to think they are true dicks, but they're not. if they have friends they are not true dicks. only a true dick would sacrifice friendship for his status (consciously or subconsciously, no difference).

Monday, February 27, 2012

now i gotta put all this shit back together

Jesus said, 'Accept Everyone.'

why do Christians think being gay is an "abomination"...? God is not a person. God never said that. Jesus never said that either. I think SOME PEOPLE like to HATE. Then the question is, "Why do you want to go to war with people you are threatened by?" You say you have nothing to fear and that you are doing God's work. Well if you are not afraid of them, why are you so adamant about their destruction? Do you think they will corrupt your mind? If you do, your mind has already been 'corrupted' because only a corrupt mind would know what corrupt feels like. What am I saying...? ... I don't know, God never said that because God isn't human. You are, and you are not living as Jesus lived. Jesus said, 'Accept Everyone.' What don't you get about that...? You are so afraid that you will be 'corrupted' just like 'everybody else'. well let me tell you, even if everybody else became 'corrupted' you still have the choice to be 'uncorrupted' all by yourself if you wanted to, NOBODY will stop you. Now I've gotten to your basic, primal fear. You should understand now why you cannot stand sinners. It's because part of you is a sinner as well. So you should accept yourself for that. Then you'll be able to accept 'everyone else.'

Just a thought on One God over all Religions, The Master Idea

The Muslims had The Mount before the Jews. Also I read somewhere, correct me if I am wrong, but Muslims occupied the territory of Israel and Palestine before Israel ever was a political idea. It is not that surprising to me to know that there are Jewish Fundamentalists out there, just like there are Islamic Fundamentalists. What is disturbing is that they both do irrational things in the name of 'God', The God that I keep telling everybody that is not intelligent, non-personifiable, physical, The Master Idea that is and exists in the NOW. The Master Idea == Muslim God == Christian God == Jewish God == Atheist's Science.

Illumination is excluded, but could be included (pretty much any religion could be included), because they believe that people are God, when in fact, people are part of the physical God that exists in the NOW. We are part of it, The Master Idea broadcasts it's Ideas through matter. It's all around us.

this note is a fragment. gotta go do something....

Sunday, February 26, 2012

yay. laptop. damn, i gotta go to bed at 9.
why did they try to stop me in the first place. what did they think they were achieving...? what can i, a nobody, achieve by making a program and putting it online...? maybe they thought it was important. who knows, who cares...? it's my shit, i'm the only one who should care about it. i mean, what's so important about this program that they don't want me to make it. it's just a program, not like its revolutionary or anything. o well. now i get to finish it

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Thursday, February 23, 2012

no matter what book you read thatr is biased against a president, there is always one person that will stand up for that president. and when there are one there are two
i lost so much weight after the "accident" that i'll have to go from a 32 to a 30 or 31.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I'd like to read a book about how Jesus was a fraud. Just to hear a different view point. Any books out there...?

Jesus spoke in parables to the masses but metaphors to his disciples.

Jesus spoke in parables to the masses but metaphors to his disciples. Jesus knew, that the Master Idea could not be explained to them at that time. How could they know? They didn't have the technology...
"Some people are not meant to be understood."

A sad theme, but only sad if you let it be.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter whether what you do is a sin or not as much as what you do is the Right thing to do. Jesus said 'accept everybody'. That might as well be his slogan. Therefore, abortion should not be viewed as whether it is a sin or not, but whether it is the Right thing to do. In which many cases, it can be argued that it is. -my views

A Thought about James 4:13, for Atheists and Believers

Although I do not read in a most literal sense and have an unorthodox view of God, the Bible has some lessons in it that can be universally ethical, and ultimately make common sense, no matter what religious or secular background you come from...

James 4:13-17
Boasting About Tomorrow

13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”—14 yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. 17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

What I got from this:

It is true, that often we, the majority of the United States, including Wall Street and everyone associated with it, bet on making a profit or doing something that we will gain some sort of profit from, whether it be emotionally, physically, or financially. For myself, I told myself that I would complete an online program by the 29th of February. But what I didn't know, is that my laptop would malfunction, preventing me from finishing it up to this point. We all make deadlines, I don't think it is wrong to make deadlines, but I think the lesson that James is trying to teach us is that our lives are like the laptop. How long we last or how long our components last is not determined by us but by our Manufacturer. We can believe our Manufacturer to be God, or we can believe our Manufacturer to be Science, or a mixture of both. Regardless, we don't know when one of our parts will malfunction, therefore, boasting is sort of fallacious in that it is based on an unknown factor, a presumed factor. Yet instead, when we have strengths and when we accomplish something, we should be humble that we had the time on earth to accomplish it.

James says that our lives are like a "mist" that appears for a short time then "vanishes". It is true, the human life is very short compared to what has occurred before us. I think the moral of this is that we should try to focus on the greater meaning of life and not the things that are trivial in the end. Because when it comes down to it, it will be the meaningful things, the things that give us purpose, that make life worth living, however long it is.