man, waiting is the hardest thing. it's almost like i'd rather be dead than wait. waiting is torture. torture i tell you...! i'm defunct. what do i gotta do to tell you that. there's no way i'll ever be prepared until my time has come. until then, i have to wait. and waiting is the hardest thing to do.

WHAT IF IT NEVER HAPPENS

at this point in the story the main character turns to drugs to make it happen.

because he'd rather die trying to be alive than not have lived at all.

whose to blame?

don't drug your kids up parents. it should be their choice.

in other words, "I'm fucked up but i can't tell if it has been these last 10 years on psychopathic drugs prescribed to me from the doctor and forced on me by my parent or if it is all my fault..."

i'm homeless and have no place to go-less,
but that's okay. some people are less fortunate than me
i won't kill myself.
death will find me.
i don't have to do anything.
whatever happens, happens