and that my friends is why i have succeeded first, and they have not.

you're not going to change the world by giving out pity.

it makes me sad to see that people don't understand. they don't. but growing apart just means we're growing older... and that's the way it is.

i really hate how some people friend other people because they feel pity for them. to me, pity is the lowest form of any emotion anyone could give anyone else. they really don't understand. i am one of the most powerful people on earth (but i never said there were few of us. there are only as many powerful people as there are people who admit it...) don't feel pity for me. i deserve everything that comes my way. if i am at fault for every bad thing that happens in my life, then if you are willing, if you choose to give pity, i am responsible for every success that happens in my life. but since i argue that you might never understand where i am coming from, then i guess it is a double standard. i can't judge you based on your pity. perhaps you think it actually changes people. more power to you. but i believe it doesn't. you're not going to change the world by giving out pity.

1964

Southern Police Officer: "judge, I heard something. some kind of 'thumpin' noise. so I opened up the door..."

Judge: "go on..."

Southern Police Officer: "so i opens up the door and say, and seen him on the bed and says, 'what're you doing...?' and he say, "jumping"..."

Judge: "and then what did you say...?"

Southern Police Officer: "judge, i says, 'NO MO MONKEYS JUMPIN ON THE BED...!"

Richard: "dude, you're old news. just stop what you doing. just stop. your game is over."

X: "who says...?"

Richard: "everybody thinks that. i think that..."

X: "you think...? YOU THINK...?! and it's as if the whole world's tiny little pieces have been put back together because you think...! all is well now! please forgive me for not noticing before you told me that 'you think'...! i have no reason to stand in front of your presence. in front of your thoughts. i am unworthy. i don't deserve to live, now. but somehow, i will. this has been a life changing moment..."

and i look at these songs. THESE SONGS... these grammy award winning songs. and what do i see...? it's surface candy. hell, this is what it takes to write a grammy award winning song...? maybe i'm missing out. maybe i'm thinking too deeply into it. surely lyrics this simple mean something to someone.

just not to me.

maybe the simple things in life are joys that some people will never get. maybe the deeper things in life are complexities that some people will never get.

sometimes i still wonder if i'm the only person who thinks like me...

like, are all these people still literal...? are they still thinking at the surface...? maybe i just can't SEE them thinking deeply... maybe i just can't FEEL them connecting to the Master Idea

the difference between then, and now, is that i'm on less lithium. can you tell...? haha o well, it's nothing to worry about. i enjoy my job

i think only actors and activists would get into that last one. real people are too afraid. what am i saying...? 'real people'? haha i'm a real boy...!

the one thing you should fear, if anything, is people who are ignorant and afraid. cause those ignorant a-holes will do anything...!

what if i acted crazy on purpose just to see how far it would take me... and document it at the same time...? that's it. a flash mob of crazy homeless people... i likey. no, a flash mob of just 'crazy' people. that includes homeless people, conspiracy theorists, ordinary-crazy people, and all the rest... we could start out by having the most insane conspiracy theorists, like 29 of them competing in downtown Chicago in one place, shouting at the top of their lungs... hahaha this would be great. what would be even better, is if we filmed it at the time of happening. then all of the homeless people come in, then all of the people who believe in aliens, then the people who lost their jobs swarm in. the people who believe in aliens and governmental interference can wear aluminum foil hats.

awesome idea. that's all i'm saying.

do you have anything to say for yourself...?

"judge, i told you, i'm not crazy. i'm a human being. i don't have to express to you my opinions and beliefs or why i choose to behave the way i do. and just because i behave the way i do, doesn't mean that you're any more privileged than me, or should be able to take away my god given rights. the rights that all of us were equally born with. i'm sure you would feel the same if you were in my position. but unfortunately for you, i don't think you're even qualified to be in this position. what i mean is, you don't have the experience and you don't have the aptitude. which would make my situation grim..."

Judge: "DRUG'IM UP...!"

i can do it all by myself...!

OMG. the scene in fight club where edward nortin beats himself up in front of his boss... hahaha! i'm doing that if cops arrest me...! that would be so epic-ly awesome. "PLEASE OFFICER...! DON'T ARREST ME! *punches himself in the face and throws himself on the ground* I TOLD YA, I'M INNOCENT...!" i could get out of every situation with that one. people would just think i'm crazy. which is awesome. they wouldn't fuck with me then. haha

What're they gonna do...? beat me even more...? "QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP... OR I'LL HELP YOU DO IT...!" hmm

Predicted results:

Judge: "I'm ordering a restraining order for this young man to stay 50 yards away from... uh, himself, at all times."

OR

Judge: "I'm ordering a restraining order for the law (pronounced, 'THE LAAW!') to stay 50 yards away from this innocent young man at all times. Any violations will result in mandibles being chopped off..."

it's about the idea. a man willing to sacrifice his status as a sane man, moreover, flush it down the toilet or jettison it off the side of the road like a bag of weed that's too much trouble to trouble with. and it's all about proving a point.

awesome. i likey

i'm going to allow my enemies to live. because they deserve to live the rest of their lives in ignorance. even if they got everything they wanted, they still aren't free.

if you can't make a difference then you're already dead. i've already been cataloged and categorized into the label that makes my future. the label that is me. i want to surprise someone. people, really. you want to see a hero...? there is no meaning in anything unless we look for it... why did God not want Adam to have knowledge...?

flashback:
"John, I'm telling you, if you keep going at this rate you'll go crazy...! Try to relax, stop looking for answers to everything..."

but, but i found out. i found what i was looking for, even if i didn't know what i was looking for. at first. what are you afraid of...? every question has a motive... every action has a motive. invite me to your tea party to 'get to know me'. invite me to the pentagon to... well... i'm on another level fuckers. you know where i'm headed. if there is meaning in life, if we can discern between right and wrong, then God, open the gates of heaven, because I will do the right thing before i die. why wouldn't i...?

when you leave the matrix, nothing is real. we're trapped in this human body. there is something beyond physicality,  beyond our skins, beyond us...

i know why Jesus cried.

i know why Jesus cried. it was because they would never understand. they wouldn't live long enough to. Jesus felt sorrow in his heart because the people were so ignorant. they were so ignorant that they blocked themselves, in that life, from knowing Truth and becoming one with the Master Idea.

it's like watching someone commit suicide. except it's hundreds, thousands, millions of people. and they don't understand. Jesus didn't cry for his pain. He cried for theirs. But they are so ignorant. So ignorant, they will never understand, or even comprehend that they have pain. That is the real loss. They can never be healed, unless they understand.

Gay...? Fucking give me a break

who cares if you're gay or not...? i've been shot with a fucking shot gun point blank in the chest. you think i'd live through that to be afraid of the CIA spreading rumors about me being gay...? HAHAHA. CIA, you'll have to do better than that. that kind of superficial shit doesn't change me. i've been through the most embarrassing shit that will make a person kill himself. but i'm still here. you think that phazes me...? even if YOU, and YOU know who YOU is, even if YOU posted the most heinous information about me, I wouldn't be scared, ya know why...? because i don't care. it's superficial. there are worse things in life than having people hate you or even fear you for no reason. fear is a reflection of what people fear in themselves. so if people hate you, then, i don't know what to say. maybe there's a part of them that is in you, or a part of you in them. the real thing is, what the fuck difference does it make...? if you don't care about these rumors, then it doesn't make a difference... NO ONE CAN THREATEN YOU WHEN YOU HAVE NO FEAR. of course we should all do the RIGHT thing. all i'm saying is, learn to not give a shit what other people think, and you will conquer all.