and well, insightingly, i shouldn't have to interact with it. That's my choice, but the fact that i fear it tells me that i'm not cognizing the whole situation. i'm leaving something out. why do i fear the energy...? if i choose not to interact with it i shouldn't have to fear it. this probably means that in the past i had a bad experience that i have never gotten over so that somehow i associate me not accepting the energy to persecution. so basically, one day in the past i told someone that i wanted to do something different or i acted different and that ended up resulting in me being persecuted.

so how do we solve this problem...?

The easiest way i found is to be straightforward with people and don't let them tell you what to do, NO MATTER WHAT.

"WHY don't you come into the bar with us...?"

"No thanks, i don't even drink. Bars are boring to me anyways. Catch you later."

People will repect you even if you're different if you have principles or a way of living that you stick to.
I found out if you go around do things that other people want you to do instead of what YOU want to do they will eventually disrespect you and try to give you their (sometimes lame) advice when all you have to do is tell them,

"I don't drink and I will never drink. Sorry, that's how I am."

or

"That's not how I think. I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone. That's just how I am. And even if I was, it would be none of your business."

i hate the summer, oh the summer is going to suck big time, i fear the summer

there's more energy going around, more people out. more energy == more confusion, more fear.

unless you interact with it. you will fear the energy unless you interact with it, become part of it

i have a choice, i can ignore it, but it gets angry when i do that and it tries to tell me that there's something wrong with me if i ignore it

"You're not normal! Normal people LOVE All This Energy...!!! We hate you because you're not normal!!! Break down his door! Make him come out here and enjoy this weather! HAHAHAHAHAH"
(metaphorization/exaggeration)

on a side note, the good thing about Chicago is that it has 4 seasons.

hmm

Image Broadcasting theory in movies: The Explanation

sorry i wrote sloppy i'm just trying to get the gist down.

did you get that last post...? Image Broadcasting at its finest. See, even though kevin wasn't in direct contact with gary, gary's motive was ultimately broadcast to him through the people that were. first the motive was broadcast to gary's tutor who broadcast it to his grilfriend who broadcast it to the therapist, who, unfortuneatly, broadcast it to his unaware patient, who didn't know that every time he went to his therapist's office he subliminally picked it up off of him. this is why kevin kept getting paranoid (the image broadcasting theory) but didn't know why. subconsciously or subliminally he knew, it was a symptom of carrying gary's motive with him. but he couldn't consciously know because he couldn't detect or relate the feelings to anything. low and behold kevin get's so paranoid that he actually buys a gun. he wants to kill this feeling, whatever it is, that wants to kill him (could this possibly be the motive talking to him...? wispering in his ear. but what is it saying...?) at the end scene, in the room there is gary and it just seems that they so happen to be in the same room as eachother when kevin has a gun. gary says, "fagot" and pays the price for doing so. kevin kills the source of the paranoia, the source of the image and that is why he becomes freed. this will surprise you, but gary actually had his motive accomplished through the indirect broadcasting chain that lead to kevin. gary, actually had a death wish because he was struggling with thoughts of inferiority. that's why he was so mean, gary thought bad of himself that's why he was so judgmental of kevin, because kevin resembled what gary hated about himself.

see, the psychology is basically thus, kevin is a mirror image of some part of gary. gary doesn't like this part of himself so he tries to smother that part out that he sees in other people. everytime gary sees kevin he is reminded of that part of himself and starts to actually hate himself to the point where he subconsiously wants to kill himself. but the catch is he can't do it himself. so the motive is broadcast everytime gary feels bad about himself and is in contact with other people.

now, the ending is important because this is the first time gary and kevin are both in direct contact with eachother. so gary really feel s bad about himself and you guessed it, he broadcasts the death motive directly to kevin who fulfills that motive. and consequently goes to jail.

This would be an example of image broadcasting in a movie or script.

pretty awesome huh...?

The Image

there's this story about this dude named kevin. kevin thought he was having delusions, well he didn't really know what delusions were, he kept telling his therapist he thought people were out to get him, but his therapist kept insisting NO nobody's out to get you. kevin kept going to his therapist every week but he kept getting more paranoid and more and MORE paranoid. he thought everyone was out to get him, strangely it would get worse every time he would leave his therapists office. kevin somehow attributed this to that being in the therapists office was so therapuetic that it seemed alot worse when he left. one day kevin was at home. he kept hearing these voices tell him he was a fagot. FAGOT FAGOT FAGOT. kevin got scared to where he couldn't sleep at night because he thought the people were after him. kevin got so paranoid, that one day during the middle of the day he rushed from his room to his therapist's office and burst open the door and told his therapist that he needed serious help urgently. his therapist told him to calm down. eventually kevin got drugged up by the nurse in the therapis'ts office. it didn't work though. kevin went back home still paranoid an hearing voices. in the meantime, after kevin left the therapist's office, the therapist went out to eat lunch with his daughter. his daughter decided to bring her boyfriend. the boyfriend just so happened to be a tutor for another boy named gary who had bad feelings for kevin ever since they met. gary had really bad feelings for kevin because kevin was different. yet somehow, even though gary hated kevin, he could not stop thinking about him. he hated him though and thought he was a fagot. one day gary saw kevin from across the room and said to his tutor, "let's go, i'm not staying around this fagot." every day gary woudl be tutored by the boy. and everyday as routine the boy would go to his girlfriend's house, and every day the girlfriend would eat lunch with her father and everyday the father, the therapist would talk to kevin and try to calm him down. but for some reason everyday kevin would become more paranoid and scared that somebody out to get him. one day kevin get so paranoid that he buys a gun and decides to go shooting. kevin gos to a room and decides not to shoot. gary just so happens to be in there. gary say, "you fagot". kevin pull out gun and shoot gary. then kevin instantly stopped having paranoia and ultimately went to prison for killing gary. the end

HTML5 is so freakin annoying i hate everytime i have to build a freakin webpage i have to start almost from scratch it really annoys me how the pages all have to be almost identically the same in order to get effficient design. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON JS. THERE's too many freakin RULES...! ARARARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH...!

kAmE hAmE...

and my roommate is still wacthing t.v.

huh great

i really hate when the t.v. is running and i'm trying to work, which is pretty much i work all day, every day. i take my work pretty seriously and so do the other people in the house except for ONE person who doesn't really do the studious types of stuff the other 3 of us do. he's the only person who watches t.v. in the house. talk about picking similar roommates. i'm not mad at him it's just, damn, it's hard for me to concentrate and i literally have no where else to study. it's very hard for me to concentrate so once i get going i don't like to be disturbed.

and the real problem is the living room is right outside my bedroom door, the t.v. is like literally 5 feet away from my door.

i wanna get rid of that t.v. so bad...

BUT, it is not my right as a roommate to tell someone what they can or cannot do with the t.v. so, i have to put up with it.

i really need an office. or better yet my own apartment or house.

my own studio. that sounds nice.

i have a job, i'm just not being compensated for it yet. that's okay, i enjoy what i do, WHEN I'M NOT BEING DISTRACTED. i have my headphones on too, but i can still hear it.

damn it.