i kept saying, "i need to take a break. i need to take a break," i need to take a break. well, now i get to. i get to take a break.

wow. and you know, it's amazing. i tried staying away from my passion. the more i tried to stay away from it, the more i tried to not think of it, the more it psychologically conflicted with college. it just goes to prove that just because you don't do something, just because i stayed away from the beats, from other things like philosophy, doesn't mean that i would succeed at my first semester back.

it's my fault that everything in my life, all the 'mishaps' and the misfortune, it is my fault that it has happened to me. my fault that i have a disorder and i choose to let it control me. it is my fault that i choose to fail at things that i am not naturally talented at. it is entirely MY FAULT when i fail. i have to take responsibility for me.

...and if it is entirely my fault when i fail, then it is entirely my fault when i succeed.