The Seven Stages of Pregnancy (From a Man's Point of View)

1. Shock and Denial

WHAT? BITCH YOU AINT PREGNO! I'LL SLAP THE BABY OUTA YA! WHAT?! YOU GONNA CALL MAURY? SHIET...

2. Pain and Guilt

OH GOD, OH GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE? SHE GON CALL MAURY. IZ OVA NOW. OH GOD...

3. Anger and Blaming

THE RESULTS WERE POSITIVE? HELL NAW! IZ YOUR FAULT BITCH! YOU POPPED HOLES IN MY CONDOM OR SOMETHIN...

4. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness

I'M A GOD DAMN FATHER. I'M A GOD DAMN FATHER. I'M A GOD DAMN FATHER...

5. The Upward Turn

HMM. THE AVENGERS COMES OUT TOMORROW. WELL I GUESS I'LL TAKE ALICIA TO GO SEE IT. AFTER ALL, SHE IS MY BABY'S MAMMA...

6. Reconstruction and Working Through

I NEED TO GET A JOB. BETTER APPLY AT MCDONALD'S...

7. Acceptance and Hope

I'M A GOD DAMN FATHER. I'M A GOD DAMN FATHER. I'M A GOD DAMN FATHER... YES, THAT IS WHAT I AM, AND I WILL BE THE BEST GOD DAMN FATHER I CAN BE...